LGBTA Resources + Information

LGBTA Resources + Information Safe Zone

Coming Out



The Safe Zone program is in a period of transition. Started by students in 2004, the program is moving to a new administrative home. We hope to expand the program and ensure its longevity. Check back for more information.

The term “coming out” (of the closet) refers to the life-long process of the development of a positive gay identity. 

It is a very long and difficult struggle for many because gay people often have to confront many homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way. 

Many need to struggle with their own negative stereotypes and feeling of homophobia which they learned when they were growing up. 

Before a person can identify him/herself as good about who they are, they will need to challenge their own attitudes and take them from the lower end of that homophobic continuum (repulsion, pity, tolerance) to feelings of appreciation and admiration.  But it often takes years of painful work to develop a positive gay identity. 

Then, many gays begin to make decisions about whom to tell that they are gay. 

Many gays are afraid to “come out” to their friends and family.

What is the fear?

  • Rejection – loss of relationships
  • Gossip
  • Harassment/abuse
  • Being thrown out of family
  • Being thrown out of house
  • Having their lover arrested
  • Loss of financial support
  • Losing their job
  • Physical violence
  • Being vulnerable
  • Another’s reaction

Why might gay/lesbian and bisexual people want to come out to friends/relatives?

  • End of the “hiding game”
  • Feel close to those people
  • Be able to be “whole” around them
  • Stop wasting energy by hiding all the time
  • Feel like they have integrity
  • To make a statement that “gay is OK”

How might someone feel after someone comes out to them?

  • Scared
  • Shocked
  • Disbelieving
  • Uncomfortable
  • Not sure what to say
  • Not sure what to do next
  • Wondering why the person came out

What do people expect/want?

  • Acceptance
  • Support
  • Understanding
  • Comfort
  • Closer friendship
  • That knowing won’t negatively affect their friendship
  • A hug and a smile
  • An acknowledgment of their feelings

Source: Task Force Against Homophobia, SHU