Family Violence

What is it?

Family violence covers a wide range of situations and includes physical, emotional, psychological, sexual and economic abuse. It usually begins with emotional and psychological abuse and eventually leads to physical abuse. Physical abuse is the most widely known form of family violence because it is the most visible.

Family violence involves the intent by the offender to intimidate either by threat or physical force the victim’s person or property. The purpose is to control behavior by the inducement of fear. Underlying all abuse is a power imbalance between victim and offender.

Once violence is introduced into a relationship it is easier to reintroduce it. Victims are often afraid to leave and will only attempt to do so if they become more afraid of staying in the relationship than leaving. The majority of victims return to the relationship within a short time because their poor self-esteem causes them to feel they cannot make it on their own, and often the abusing partner promises the abuse is over. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case. The abuse happens again and again. Most victims leave the situation at least three times before a complete break is achieved.

Types of Abuse

Physical Assaults — includes punching, clapping, choking, kicking, throwing things, burning, use of weapons or murder
Sexual Assaults — includes unwanted touching, forced sexual activities, sex as punishment
Emotional/Psychological Abuse — includes demeaning comments, name calling, threats, threats of suicide, threats of violence against the children or relatives, threats of desertion, terrorizing, verbal attacks against the victim’s personality, beliefs or behavior, controlling activities or deprivation

Common Characteristics of Victims of Violence

Most likely to be a woman, although men are abused.
Has a strong emotional dependency on the partner.
Loses sight of what is "normal."
Begins to accept the situation as normal.
Has an unrealistic hope the situation will get better.
Feels loyalty toward the offender.
Experiences low self-esteem.
Accepts "blame" for the situation.
Tends to be compliant.
Is often socially and emotionally isolated.

The Abuser

Donald Dutton describes three types of abusers in his book The Batterer, a Psychological Profile

Psychopathic Abusers??- absence of remorse

unrealistic view of the future
history of both violent and nonviolent criminal activity
change is unlikely because this abuser is unable to learn from experiences

Overcontrolled Abusers?- control freak

emotional manipulation of victim
meticulous
perfectionist
destroys the victim’s sense of themselves as an individual — they become an extension of their abuser

Cyclical Abuser?- stereotypical abuser

predictable patterns of escalating tension, violent outbursts and periods of denial or atonement
see the victim as simultaneously engulfing them and abandoning them
emotional intimacy is both desired and feared
often described as two people — the one he presents to the victim and the one he presents to others
hold victim responsible for his feelings and actions

Myths and Facts About Domestic Violence

Myth Fact

Family violence is not common. One in ten women in Canada are victims of violence, by conservative estimates.

Family violence is an isolated incident, or an argument that "got out of hand." One study showed that family violence occurred as many as 35 times before the victim first tells anyone. Abuse is rarely a one time occurrence and tends to escalate in severity over time when there are no direct interventions.

Family violence is a family matter and can be solved by the family. Assault is a crime. Police are mandated to lay charges when there are reasonable and probable grounds. It will rarely stop unless there is an intervention from outside the family.

Alcohol causes a man to beat his wife. Alcohol is not the cause of violence, but facilitates the use of violence by allowing the offender to abdicate responsibility for his/her behavior.

Men who assault their wives are mentally ill or a danger to the community. Abusers choose to act out their violent impulses on their partners, often with great control (hitting where the bruises will not be visible). They are not mentally ill and usually only pose a danger to their partner.

Women provoke violence, deserve it and enjoy abuse. No person ever deserves to be abused, regardless of the kind of person he/she is. Women do not enjoy abuse or find it sexually stimulating. Even though an abused women may return to an abusive partner, she returns with the hope the abuse will stop, not out of masochistic, self-destructive urges. When abuse is imminent, it is not uncommon for a victim to provoke the event "to get it over with" or to have some control over the intensity of the aggression.

Abuse victims could leave their abusive partners if they really wanted to. Poverty and lack of protection are real problems for women who chose to leave an abusive relationship. Single women with children form the majority of this country's poor. Many women lack confidence, education, job training, day care, housing, financial resources, and community support while dealing with the effects of abuse and coping with a harassing partner. Husbands often threaten to kill the woman and children if she attempts to leave. The victim’s greatest loss is her self-esteem — without that she does not have the internal resources to take the dramatic action necessary.

Family violence is something that happens to poor and uneducated families. Family violence is common in all socio-economic groups. There are no exceptions. Violence in the upper classes is more likely to be hidden and people of status have more resources than the poor.

Men who claim to be abused by their female partners are lying. Although the incidence of abuse of the male partner appears to be less, it may be a reflection of the hesitancy of the male to report his abuse. Because of the low report rate it is harder to find resources for male victims.

Links

Family Violence Awareness Page

The National Victim Centre-Safety Strategies for Domestic Violence Victims

Same Sex Domestic Violence

Men and Women Against Domestic Violence

Acknowledgments

The information on this page was provided by the University of Alberta Student Helpers, who in turn received the majority of the information from the Support Network of Edmonton.

Myth	Fact
Family violence is not common.	One in ten women in Canada are victims of violence, by conservative estimates.
Family violence is an isolated incident, or an argument that "got out of hand."	One study showed that family violence occurred as many as 35 times before the victim first tells anyone. Abuse is rarely a one time occurrence and tends to escalate in severity over time when there are no direct interventions.
Family violence is a family matter and can be solved by the family.	Assault is a crime. Police are mandated to lay charges when there are reasonable and probable grounds. It will rarely stop unless there is an intervention from outside the family.
Alcohol causes a man to beat his wife.	Alcohol is not the cause of violence, but facilitates the use of violence by allowing the offender to abdicate responsibility for his/her behavior.
Men who assault their wives are mentally ill or a danger to the community.	Abusers choose to act out their violent impulses on their partners, often with great control (hitting where the bruises will not be visible). They are not mentally ill and usually only pose a danger to their partner.
Women provoke violence, deserve it and enjoy abuse.	No person ever deserves to be abused, regardless of the kind of person he/she is. Women do not enjoy abuse or find it sexually stimulating. Even though an abused women may return to an abusive partner, she returns with the hope the abuse will stop, not out of masochistic, self-destructive urges. When abuse is imminent, it is not uncommon for a victim to provoke the event "to get it over with" or to have some control over the intensity of the aggression.
Abuse victims could leave their abusive partners if they really wanted to.	Poverty and lack of protection are real problems for women who chose to leave an abusive relationship. Single women with children form the majority of this country's poor. Many women lack confidence, education, job training, day care, housing, financial resources, and community support while dealing with the effects of abuse and coping with a harassing partner. Husbands often threaten to kill the woman and children if she attempts to leave. The victim’s greatest loss is her self-esteem — without that she does not have the internal resources to take the dramatic action necessary.
Family violence is something that happens to poor and uneducated families.	Family violence is common in all socio-economic groups. There are no exceptions. Violence in the upper classes is more likely to be hidden and people of status have more resources than the poor.
Men who claim to be abused by their female partners are lying.	Although the incidence of abuse of the male partner appears to be less, it may be a reflection of the hesitancy of the male to report his abuse. Because of the low report rate it is harder to find resources for male victims.